I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
