so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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