are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
