U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
