He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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