i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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