my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
