our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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