I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
