One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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