I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My dick has a subreddit
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize