Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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