think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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