Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
