you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
