I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
