Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The beer is more important than you right now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
