just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
