im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
