Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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