omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
4 words: hood of his car
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
