I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
