yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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