I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
