is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
