I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Who died my cat blue again?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
