no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
