we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
