Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
