She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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