Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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