I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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