I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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