you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize