You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
