yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
