Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
4 words: hood of his car
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
