atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sobbing to NWA
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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