so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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