i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Are we still banned from the library?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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