Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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