I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
