My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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