Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
