It's like God shit irony all over that family
you would pick up someone in the library
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
