I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
