Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
