life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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