All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
