I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
