I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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