I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
