I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you win again, gameday.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
