We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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