You really coming over, don't trick.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
