she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
