This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
