The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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