So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
