why didn't you poke me back
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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