So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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