new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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