there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize