one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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