Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
