We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
